Highlands to secede and create new township in vision of Fake Issue 2015

Plans are being made for the Highlands area of Louisville to secede from Metro government and create its own city with a new vision. This effort comes after an outpouring of interest in the Louisville Eccentric Observer’s (LEO’s) 2015 Fake Issue, earlier this month.

Initial interest was voiced at Day’s Coffee by a group of Highlanders who meet every week to discuss how to keep Louisville weird.

“Sad” Sam Jones, member of the group, explained, “We were in the middle of enjoying our usual non-fat, gluten-free Cortadas, conversing about what’s wrong with Kentucky and how the Highlands is so great, when someone picked up the LEO Fake Issue and saw the headline, ‘Lil’ Poopers truck fleet to support local food truck industry.’ I believe it was Terry,” he said, pointing to his friend, “Why can’t we have a Lil’ Poopers?”

From there, everyone in the group picked up an issue and began ripping out stories ideas that they wanted to see come to reality: “Uber brings hooker-sharing service to Louisville,” “Mayor Fischer experiments with marijuana,” “Bill Samuels gets own emoji,” “Good olde fashioned outdoor masturbation days” and a bologna-inspired restaurant called “Cut the Baloney.”

Jones says, “These are all concepts that we should be able to add to the cultural heart of the city and the Commonwealth. And we don’t feel like we should have to wait to do it.”

The proposed portion of Louisville that would secede to form a new, expanded Highlands includes both Cherokee and Seneca Parks, lower Baxter Avenue and would stop just short of including Bellarmine University. Plans also show the territory jumping over to include the Louisville Zoo.

When asked about the jump, Jones said, “While we don’t want to be greedy, we do value the Zoo more than any other area of Louisville. Plus, I’ve got some weed buried over by the Gorilla exhibit.” •