Churches see an influx of new souls at different times of the year. Usually, these surround major holidays like Christmas and Easter. In March however, churches in Louisville and across the Commonwealth of Kentucky see a surge of a niche group — bartenders and bar owners.

Priests who listen to the prayers of these bartenders were polled, and what they found is that most see a financial advantage to a deep tournament run by UofL and UofK. Father Chapman of the Seventh Church of the Friends of Christ said, “Each game that they advance, that means tens of thousands of dollars for all these bars, and hundreds in tips to these bartenders.”

The next most-prayed-for wishes were for the Golden Tee machine to not break, which some said would lead to an all-out riot. Closely behind was an outcry for “this hangover to end.”

Rounding up the prayers were three bartenders who came in at the same time hoping this one girl in yoga pants would come back this weekend, and one final prayer that Duke would lose in the first round.