Mall Santas at war with Disney’s Olaf

Across the country, malls will be missing the iconic St. Nicholas when stores open this week. This drastic response comes from the United Santa’s of America (USA) — the largest mall-Santa Union in the country — who are outraged at yet another release of the Disney animation film “Frozen.”

While expressing concern for the children who will not be able to visit with Santa, provide him with their 2014 wish list and pose for a selfie, the USA asserts it is taking the appropriate action to ensure the livelihood of all Santas, present and future, and, in turn, the future generations of children who wish to receive candy canes and a photo.

Kristofer Kringle, President of the USA, says, “For years, Santas across the country have been under fire. This is just another money grab by corporate America at the expense of Father Christmas.”

Since its peak in 1983 — with the popularity of “A Christmas Story” — USA’s influence has been on a steady decline. However, without a natural competitor, they have remained in significant demand for about one month a year — until now.

Enter Olaf, the snowman from Disney’s “Frozen.” In response to a swelling market for Olaf toys and apparel, several malls have begun to hire the adorably cuddly snowman in place of the traditional jolly fat man.

Kringle explains that Santas have become more and more marginalized with the emergence of online shopping and most recently with the emerging competition of Olaf from “Frozen.” “With fewer and fewer families wanting to brave the crowds and the cold, people aren’t visiting Santas at the local mall. Now, Disney seems intent on sending us back to the North Pole permanently.”

“How many times must they release one movie?” Kringle asks. “They had the original, the 3D, the sing-along … I’m sure that crazy snowman Olaf will soon have his own spin-off. It is nothing more than big corporations putting the squeeze on hard-working Santas across the country.”

Calls to Disney were not returned for this story.