Inbox — March 27, 2013

Letters to the Editor

Smear Campaign
I was quite miffed when LEO switched to fancy magazine paper a few years ago. The only reason I pick up this publication is to have free access to The New York Times Crossword Puzzle (which, not to brag, I manage to successfully complete most weeks). Much to my chagrin, the shiny new paper was not conducive to working the crossword as the ink from my lucky fountain pen would smudge, making a mess of the page. After months of trial and error, I finally found a new lucky pen that did not smudge — a Dunhill Microwriter 5000, which cost a whopping $345. Now, you’ve gone and switched back to newsprint, and guess what? The paper soaks up the ink of my lucky pen like a sponge, making a mess of my puzzle. This is truly an outrage to serious crossword enthusiasts, and I ask that you please take us into consideration next time you are contemplating such a drastic change.
John Pilarski, Schnitzelburg

Bourbon is the key
On behalf of Kentucky’s proud bourbon distillers, I would like to offer The Bar Belle the key to bourbon country. Time and time again, she throws her support behind Kentucky’s legendary spirit and most likely can be credited for keeping sales up single-handedly. She is a flask-waving bourbon-lover and has written tirelessly about our plight for statewide respect. In fact, after surveying her 2012 columns, she mentioned bourbon exactly 6,482 times. That’s something to be toasted.

I know The Bar Belle has been hounding Mayor Fischer for the key to Louisville, but we hope this gift fulfills that need and perhaps will inspire the mayor to hand it over. In addition to the key to bourbon country, we are purchasing free CityScoot services for Sara for a year. The temptation to have one more drink is now a moot dilemma.

On behalf of Kentucky’s bourbon distillers, Bar Belle, we salute you. Keep up the good work. We hope the hangovers you’ve gotten from our product are only a minor inconvenience. You often put bourbon before yourself, and I just wanted you to know we notice that and are truly touched. You make Kentucky proud and keep Louisville weird.
Jim Beam, Bardstown, Ky.

Converge at The Cliff
With the overwhelming success of the Frankfort Avenue Business Association’s decision to officially refer to Frankfort Avenue as “The Avenue” — taking inspiration from Louisville’s hip moniker “The ’Ville” — the Clifton Community Council would like to announce that we will begin referring to the Clifton neighborhood as “The Cliff.”

In addition, since these naming trends are obviously neither trite nor utterly meaningless, we have decided to rename each street within The Cliff similarly. Mellwood Avenue will now become “The Mell,” and Pope Street, everyone’s favorite cut-through, will become “The Pope.”

We know our residents (collectively, “The Rez”) will be excited about this new nicknaming convention. And while the names may be changing, The Cliff’s rich tradition of dining, arts and good cheer will not alter its course. We invite everyone in The ’Ville to visit The Cliff soon, to take a stroll down The Avenue, or maybe catch an event at the Clifton Center (aka “The Cliff Center”) over on The Payne. And while you’re in The Cliff, don’t forget to do some grocery shopping at The Dirt.
Clifton Community Council

Get It Right
While I thoroughly enjoy LEO Weekly’s coverage of news, arts and butt plugs, I must take huge offense to a recent mention of the Bardstown Road Qdoba location as being in “The Highlands.” As founder, president, CEO, CFO and COO of The Center-Middle Highlands Association, I am used to being horribly displeased at the lazy media’s reference to all things in 40204 and 40205 as being in “The Highlands.” Any living creature with a brain (yes, a baby squirrel!) could tell you that there are many sub-sub-sub neighborhoods contained in that area, from Deer Park to Tyler Park and so on.

Keep up the great work!
Anita Knapp, Belknap (40205-3146)

*This story is part of LEO’s Fake Issue.