Inbox — Aug. 22, 2012

Letters to the Editor

Boat Trip to Hell
The idea of a Noah’s Ark theme park is quite novel, indeed. I can see many varying upsides, as well as downsides. An intriguing park of this kind placed in the Bible Belt would certainly bring in some nice tax money, and perhaps we could get a real airport out of the deal if it is anything like Mecca. This is an exhibition of how the elderly really can do big things: If a 600-year-old senior citizen can build an enormous “old, old wooden ship” like Diversity, without a screwdriver or skill saw, it’s just amazing!

A few questions do come to mind that must be set right: How many inches is a cubit? How big was this monstrosity? Did Noah let every race of human and every species aboard? I want to know if there were ever any purple people eaters. Were there any chucks (chicken/ducks) that didn’t make it? I wonder what they would taste like. What type of tranquilizer guns did Noah use to get the dangerous animals aboard, and did it have cool laser sights? Maybe Noah could have just conveniently left out the ticks, poison ivy and poisonous snakes. I wish he had let the fire-breathing dragons aboard, although I can see how the lack of fire extinguishers could pose a problem. How many animal contraceptive devices were there to prevent overpopulation? Some species reproduce pretty quickly. I can’t help but notice that marijuana survived, that can’t be a fluke! The largest mystery to me, I suppose, is how termites survived without sinking the ship.

These are tough questions, but I must say that a great gift would be that Israel could dispense with lots of pointless fighting if everyone forgot about the whole Temple Mount thing and just called this Lost Ark Park home. If the devil would stop burying stuff, such as the ark, fake dinosaur bones, fossils, etc., then it would be easier to know for certain if historic excavations are real or just figments of those filthy atheists’ imaginations.

I can’t wait to visit the Noah’s Ark theme park to receive the answers to my myriad questions from their high school-age tour guides, and I absolutely have to ride the 10 Plagues of Egypt to get a fair assessment of how the end of the world is going to go down. Remember to purchase lots of canned food and bottled water — it’s going to be a boat-load of all hell.
Aaron Leach, Hikes Point

Easy on the F-Bombs
I’m reading the Aug. 8 “Education” issue of LEO, and not even half way in, I’ve already come across three F-bombs that could have easily been avoided or substituted while losing no meaning or journalistic integrity. I’ve always resented when people gabbing on the bus, talking on their cell phones in the mall, etc., let such lowbrow displays fly with no regard for public decency. After all, trashy people do trashy things.

Not that I’ve ever considered LEO to be a “classy” periodical, but surely you’re better than this? WTH? (See how I did that?)
Mike G’sell, Butchertown

On the Trail
Attn: Sara Havens,

Your Bar Belle column in the Aug. 8 LEO Weekly (“Bourbon trailblazer”) was just delightful. The day before I read it, I picked up a passport at the Derby Museum. Your article explained the Urban Bourbon Trail process perfectly, however I won’t try to get the T-shirt in one outing. Keep up the good work.
Bruce Miller, Pekin, Ind.

Social Stealing
America is a strange place. A guy like Madoff steals a few billion dollars from a few thousand people, so we put the poor man in prison for the rest of his life. On the other hand, what happens when our politicians run a Ponzi scheme that cons trillions of dollars from 300 million Americans? By calling it “Social Security” instead of “Social Stealing,” these crooks get ample salaries, lavish benefits and generous retirements!

Too bad Madoff didn’t run for Congress. He and Barney Frank would’ve been bosom buddies.
John Gamel, St. Matthews