Slint releases Spiderland on phonograph to please audiophiles

The legendarily influential math-rock group Slint has announced plans to re-release their seminal 1991 album, Spiderland, on tinfoil sheet phonograph cylinders.

The format, pioneered by Thomas Edison in 1877, was ultimately replaced by gramophone records, digital downloads, and every other way of enjoying recorded music.

Slint’s label, Touch and Go Records, announced that it would stop producing new releases in 2009. Founder Corey Rusk said in a statement, “Downloading led to the beginning of the end for Touch and Go, but we feel that phonographs will appeal to the huge amount of audiophiles who care deeply about the sonic textures of our catalog of Scratch Acid, Rapeman, and Butthole Surfers albums. This could change everything.”

Rusk continued, “While some of our audience may have only listened to us in college, only to get too busy with jobs and multiple children to keep up with music, certain classics — like Spiderland — can always be re-exploited in previously unexploited formats.”

This will enable new generations of cool kids to “discover” the music of Slint while disparaging the original fans from 1991, calling them “lame sell-outs” for being old and having mortgages.

“The phonographs are not expected to fully capture Slint’s well-known use of dynamics,” said some chubby commentor, “but it is not a format the major corporations want you to buy, and therefore it is superior.”

Aaron Shoemaker, an apprentice at the Magnetic Tape Recorder Co., told LEO, “It makes sense to me. Vinyl has made a comeback, so why shouldn’t the original, 19th century first attempt come back as well? It sounds so much warmer than downloading, though it breaks much, much more easily, so no playing with the phonograph when you’re wasted at 3 in the morning!”

*This story is part of LEO’s Fake Issue.