Free Hate Speech
As a longtime commenter on The Courier-Journal website, I was outraged to learn the communist rag now plans to make me pay to share my enlightened observations. For years I enjoyed the luxury of trolling their site in search of ways to blame blacks, immigrants, gays, unions, single moms, environmentalists, Democrats, the liberal media and Rick Pitino for all of society’s ills. Going forward, I truly hope you communist hacks will be as open to such views on your free website, allowing all comments — no matter how offensive — to go unchecked.
Buck White, Fern Creek
I’d like you to do a cover story on my new Pinterest-inspired business — bird-themed crafts — because it’s awesome. I haven’t made any profits yet, so I don’t want to buy an ad. I think you should just write about my bird craft business, because it’s everything this city needs. Did I mention my business is awesome? Sure, it’s just like 300 other businesses in town (except all about birds), but this one is run by me, so you should do a story on it. I know everybody will want to read about it, especially my relatives and ex-boyfriends. Please let me know if you will feature my business in LEO, preferably on the cover.
Also, my nephew is in a band, and I’d like you to do a story on them. They’re called Puddle of Weird, and they’re one of the best new bands in town. If you don’t do a story on them, you really don’t have your finger on the pulse of the city. They play twice a month at the coffee shop down the street. Looking forward to hearing from you.
Tara Hooker, Germantown
A few weeks have passed since I retired from my position as spokesman of LG&E, and after a good deal of soul-searching, there are some things I’d like to get off my chest.
For far too long, I assisted LG&E in convincing the public that our Cane Run and Mill Creek power plants pose no health risk, even though there is overwhelming evidence suggesting coal ash is toxic. It contains mercury, arsenic and many other heavy metals, and it doesn’t take a scientist to know those aren’t substances people should be exposed to. And are the residents next to our plants exposed to it? Well, duh — of course they are. I mean, short of building some sort of futuristic superdome to contain the toxins, there’s no way those neighbors are free from exposure.
I can only hope the people of Riverside Gardens and Cane Run Road forgive me and that LG&E makes an immediate transition to clean, alternative energy sources.
Chip Keeling, former LG&E spokesman
If You Can’t Say Anything Nice
I’m writing in regards to the LEO music section’s recent review of Celtic/bluegrass rapper Bonnie Lass Ho Down’s new CD, Bitch Betta Have My Sorghum. The reviewer stated it “lacks the finesse of more professional productions, such as every other disc ever released,” and that “its lyrics, sophomore and puerile, never even attempt to rhyme in a consistent and thoughtful fashion, while also being full of misogynistic, homophobic and xenophobic sentiments.” While this may be your opinion, the artist in question is from Louisville. Why would you dare criticize anything that anyone from Louisville ever did? I mean, at least he’s trying. I went to high school with Bonnie Lass Ho Down, back when he was still “Tim,” and I don’t understand how such a negative review could be helpful. You can criticize Creed or the Avett Brothers all you want, because they’re not from Louisville. But to constructively describe how a local artist might not fail so horribly only hurts Louisville, and we simply can’t take it for a second.
Marty M., Crescent Hill
Easy Does It
What’s a 17-letter phrase to describe the New York Times crossword puzzle that runs in the back of LEO each week? “THATSHITISTOOHARD.” I mean, how am I supposed to know the name of a “Musandam Peninsula nation” or a nine-letter synonym for “prescient”? I’d appreciate it if you guys would offer something a little more along the lines of USA Today or OK! Magazine.
Becky Ann Slater, East End
*This story is part of LEO’s Fake Issue.