So Cosmo says you’re fat. Well, I ain’t down with that. But, unfortunately, most of you are minding your Ps and Qs these next few months when it comes to getting in shape. Gone are my faithful drinking buddies who are now sweatin’ away the tolerance we worked so hard on all year at the gym. They’re replacing the 12-ounce curls with 10-pound weights, toga parties with yoga classes, winning with spinning. And I’m all alone at happy hour … with no one to share my potato skins with.
While I plan on keeping my tolerance strong and sturdy for the spring festivities like St. Patrick’s Day and Derby, I’ve done some research for you healthoholics so that maybe you can join a girl for a drink sometime. Geez.
• BEER (12 ounces)
Bass Ale: 140 calories, 13 carbs, 5.5% alcohol
Blue Moon: 171 calories, 13.7 carbs, 5.4% alcohol
Budweiser: 145 calories, 10.6 carbs, 5% alcohol
Bud Light: 110 calories, 6.6 carbs, 4.2% alcohol
Bud Select: 99 calories, 3.1 carbs, 4.3% alcohol
Coors Light: 104 calories, 5.3 carbs, 4.15% alcohol
Corona Light: 105 calories, 5 carbs, 4.1% alcohol
Guinness: 126 calories, 10 carbs, 4% alcohol
Harp: 153 calories, 13 carbs, 5% alcohol
Magic Hat #9: 154 calories, 12 carbs, 5.1% alcohol
Michelob Ultra: 95 calories, 2.6 carbs, 4.2% alcohol
Miller High Life: 110 calories, 13.1 carbs, 4.7% alcohol
Miller Light: 96 calories, 3.2 carbs, 4.2% alcohol
Newcastle: 140 calories, 13 carbs, 5.5% alcohol
Pabst Blue Ribbon: 144 calories, 12 carbs, 4.65% alcohol
Red Hook IPA: 188 calories, 12.6 carbs, 6.5% alcohol
Sierra Nevada Pale Ale: 175 calories, 14 carbs, 5.6% alcohol
Sierra Nevada Stout: 225 calories, 22.3 carbs, 5.8% alcohol
• LIQUOR (shot)
Absolut vodka: 70 calories, 0 carbs, 43% alcohol
Bacardi rum: 96 calories, 0 carbs, 40% alcohol
Jagermeister: 103 calories, 11 carbs, 35% alcohol
Jim Beam bourbon: 100 calories, 0 carbs, 40% alcohol
Jose Cuervo tequila: 97 calories, 0 carbs, 40% alcohol
Tanqueray gin: 115 calories, 0 carbs, 47.3% alcohol
• WINE (glass)
Red table wine: 125 calories, 3.8 carbs, 10-14% alcohol
White table wine: 121 calories, 3.8 carbs, 10-14% alcohol
Sparkling wine (redneck champagne): 106 calories, 2.8 carbs, 10-14% alcohol
Kiss me bunghole!
Louisville now has its own version of the Blarney Stone — Jacob Heustis’ “As the Old Crow Flies” bike rack/sculpture — and those who kiss its bunghole will get a year’s worth of luck! Located in front of the Green Building, the rack resembles an old signpost with arrows pointing to each of Kentucky’s six distilleries. It incorporates wood from used oak barrels and scrap pieces of steel from each distillery, hence the perfect placement of the mouth-level bunghole.
I puckered my lips and planted a big wet one on the bung Friday night (check out my blog for photos), and I’m waiting for the luck to kick in. Still dateless and mourning U of L/Bengals/Steelers losses, there must be a grace period for it to begin.
I caught up with Heustis for the scoop. “Gill Holland approached me with the idea,” he says. “He wanted a marker of sorts that celebrated the fact that we are essentially in the heart of bourbon country.” Although he won’t go on record to vouch for the lucky bunghole, he did let me in on his favorite bourbon: “The kind that brings me a little more knowledge with each sip.”
Drunk Texts of the Week
• I resemble that remark!!
• Cant believe im rootin for Teblow
• Life would be more exciting if it was a musical!
• All these primary republican erections r soo boring