Reflections of an ex man-whore

I usually don’t get into the tabloid stuff, but I’ve got to weigh in on the revelation that Tiger Woods is a man-whore. Wow!

I’ll admit it: At first I thought the whole damn thing was funny. Squeaky-clean Tiger stepping out with club hostesses and waitresses, sending freaky text messages, crashing cars at 2:30 in the morning, and lying in the street half-knocked out, snoring and barefoot. You can’t make that up.

As time goes on and people continue taking judgmental potshots at Tiger, it’s becoming less comical. As Tiger spiraled, the conversation eventually (as it always seems to) turned to men in general — specifically, why we are such whores. A recent USA Today article was entitled, “Why some men keep cheating.” As is often the case, a woman wrote the piece.

Let me speak as a man (which is rare for a man these days, in a world in which most men have been softened to the point of making me vomit). Does anyone else think women psychoanalyzing men at every turn and, in effect, telling us that they know us better than we know ourselves is a little off? Maybe someone should ask men about men every now and again. Don’t forget to give us room to tell you the truth you say you want without demonizing us.

I know, I know — my tone offends you. I am a Neanderthal sexist, a disrespectful, angry fellow who hates women because I think men have the capacity to speak for ourselves. I’m screwed up because I remind you that women cheat, too (and are pretty good at it, by the way). Go ahead and send me your nasty little notes. Take your best shot. It’s no secret that I don’t give a damn, so go for it.

As one of my old friends used to ask women during his own man-whore days, “You want me to tell you the truth, or you want me to make you feel good?” Well, as an ex man-whore, I’ll take a stab at telling a man’s truth about this whoring thing. I encourage others to weigh in. Remember, I’m not putting any quality to this. I’m not supporting or condemning stepping out. I’m just offering a few reasons why some men do it.

1) Monogamy may not be natural. Seems to me there’s a whole lot of cheating happening on both sides. Maybe many human beings just aren’t hardwired to spend the rest of their lives with one person. That at least deserves a little conversation.

2) Men must deal with the externally constructed idea of a “good man.” Get a good job, get married, have kids, and dote on your family (especially your wife). That’s it, that’s life, that’s all. That scenario just doesn’t work for some men in the long run.

3) Some men submit to relationship ultimatums. This leads to many men getting married too soon or submitting to a deep relationship to keep a woman they care about in their lives. Some are targets of the borderline obsessive dream of many women to get married as soon as possible. Unwise.

4) Some men may sincerely be sexually unfulfilled in their relationships. Husband after husband complains that as soon as the ink is dry on the marriage certificate, sex goes the way of the T-Rex. C’mon, stay sexy! Say that’s shallow all you want, but good sex matters.

5) Relaxation. Sometimes the women we’re with get on our nerves. Some people really are nags and browbeaters. We just want to spend time with somebody cool with no strings attached sometimes, plain and simple. I’m sure women feel the same way here and there.

6) Most men don’t trust women. That includes the women we’re with. We know many of you do dirt, too. So we have our own safety nets just like you have yours.

7) Access. Women offer “it” (a lot depending on who you are), and we were never taught to turn it down. Learning to say “no” isn’t easy.

Take heart, there’s good news: Most man-whores eventually get bored with it and retire.

Oh, one last thing: Please remember that Tiger cheated, he didn’t kill the Pope or blow up a nursery. He may be a man-whore, but he’s not the devil. So take it easy.

 

Visit Ricky L. Jones at www.rickyljones.com