Bar Belle: Thou shalt pub crawl

Get ready for the 6th annual Gettin Drunky in KY crawl

What kind of Belle of the Bar would I be if I didn’t pony(keg) up and drink with the masses every now and then — just to show ’em how it’s done and all. That’s one excuse for my annual Gettin’ Drunky in Kentucky Pub Crawl. (The other, more accurate one is: It’s fun.)

This is the sixth year for the crawl, which stumbles down Baxter Avenue and Bardstown Road, from Outlook Inn to Bearno’s Highlands. Basically, we stop by 13 establishments and consume one drink per bar — with a time limit of about 15 minutes to finish said drink. There will be blood. There will be tears. There will be smiles. And there will be drunk texts. Hallelujah!

Here’s the DL: Saturday, Sept. 12, 7 p.m. at Outlook Inn (916 Baxter Ave.). If you want an official Drunky T-shirt — this year in fashionable gray — bring $10. Also bring enough change to buy a drink at each place, properly tip and get yourself safely home by taxi or City Scoot — the numbers are in my phone. E-mail me with any questions. Let the training begin.


Happy Bourbon Month!

September is National Bourbon Heritage Month, so let’s celebrate. Old Forester just released its annual Birthday Bourbon, and from the samples I sipped at Proof last week, it’s deliciously smooth, with a hint of that kick that makes you want to pistol-whip Rush Limbaugh.

Also this week, Carmichael’s Bookstore and The Wine Rack are hosting a reading and bourbon tasting with authors Garrett Peck, of “The Prohibition Hangover: Alcohol in American from Demon Run to Cult Cabernet,” and Chester Zoeller, of “Bourbon in Kentucky: A History of Distilleries in Kentucky.” The free event is Wednesday, Sept. 16, at 7 p.m. at the new location of The Wine Rack, 2632 Frankfort Ave.


I can’t drive Select 55

When my mom recalls the (mild) debauchery of her college years, she often speaks of “3.2 beer” — beer (at 3.2 percent ABV) she was legally allowed to consume back in the day (at age 18). To this day, she swears she’s never been drunk (nor acknowledged this column), to which I say, “That’s because you were practically drinking water!”

Well, water just got another makeover — in the form of Bud Select 55, which touts a low calorie and carb count (55 calories, 1.9 carbs). But get this — the alcohol by volume is 2.4 percent! It may look like beer … it may come in a pretty bottle … and it may taste vaguely like beer — but that’s fizzy yellow water you’re drinking, my friend.

I’m no math wiz, but let’s think this through. If I’m looking to unwind and cop a mild beer buzz, I suppose I can either have two Budweisers (at 5 percent ABV, 145 calories) or four Select 55s for the same effect. Hmm … I digress.

On the positive side, at least I will no longer be looked down upon when I’m nursing my usual Miller Lite. My uncool beer just got an attitude shift — my beer has 4.2 percent ABV (96 calories), bitches! Suck it!


Drunk Texts of the Week

• “Jst had my explosve BW3 bm”

• “U wanna pitino my porcini??”

• “R u gay!! Lets gt something str8 btwn us.”

• “I just got to 2nd base at the fair!!”

• “Id rathr gt off thn gt drunk.”


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