THIS WEEK’S TWIN PEEKS:
MEL BAY: GUITAR QUICK LICKS: ANGUS YOUNG STYLE
2008; $19.95, UR
Oh, wow! TapeWorm co-writer “Wild” Bill Raker learned to play guitar back in the ’60s using Mel Bat primers, with most of the ’70s spent as a professional musician/grocery-bagger. And here we are in the 21st century and old Mel Inc. is still churning out guitar guides for the clueless. (We’re getting all misty.) In this DVD, Jamie Humphries shows “Guitar Hero” graduates how to do real AC/DC licks in the privacy of their own bedrooms. They can then set out — as did Bill — to spend a decade in poverty before finding a real job. (BTW: What do you call those drunken losers who follow musicians around? Drummers!)
SECRET DIARY OF A CALLGIRL: SEASON ONE
2008; $29.95, UR
If you possess a penis, then you surely 1) watch the new Dr. Who series on SciFi; and 2) lusted after cute little Billie Piper during the early seasons. Here bosomy Billie dresses slutty and talks about sex in blunt, comical terms while discretely servicing her lucky-SOB clients for this Showtime series. It’s all tease, of course, but still wildly gratifying. Our favorite scene involves her carrying on a conversation with her John — and the camera! — despite the fact that her mouth is otherwise employed in a slurpy, rhythmic bob that left us unable to stand unassisted for better part of an hour. Not to be missed.
2008; $29.95-$34.95, UR
Vin Diesel stars in this flashy, futuristic sci-fi actioner as a killer-for-hire, charged with protecting a beautiful woman impregnated with a man-made Messiah. High concept? Boy, howdy! But gangs of fun, as was Maurice G. Dantec’s original graphic novel. Suffers from having 11 producers, half of them French, but we still enjoyed it. With Gerard Depardieu, Michelle Yeoh, Charlotte Rampling and Melanie Thierry.
2008; $29.95-$39.95, R
The Nicolas Cage English remake of an Oxide Brother’s (Pang Chun and Danny Pang) cult classic from 1999. The original is a powerhouse tale: A deaf-mute hitman and his partner rise in power until the goodness of a caring young woman makes them vulnerable. The remake has No-Talent Nickie and a big noisy gun. Life is too short for Nick Cage movies; ask for the original.
BARNEY: ONCE UPON A DINO TALE
2008; $14.95, UR
Barney and friends drop acid to enter an enchanted world where “Alice in Wonderland” bitch-slaps “Cinderella.” Man, what did they put in this eggnog?
DEXTER: THE COMPLETE SECOND SEASON
2006; $39.95-$54.95, UR
What could we possibly say about this Showtime series that hasn’t already been said? Dexter, a quiet, likeable forensic blood-splatter expert, moonlights as a serial-killer killer, taking down those who escape justice based on his dad’s strict moral code. Addictive as hell.
2008; $29.95, PG-13/UR
The latest in a tiresome series of genre-spoofs — though livened immeasurably by the addition of Kim “Junk in the Trunk” Kardashian — starring the requisite Carmen Electra and Matt Lanter.
DUCKMAN: PRIVATE DICK/FAMILY MAN — THE COMPLETE SERIES
Finally available in a complete set, this adult cartoon commentary on detective shows — and almost every aspect of American society and family life to boot — from the ’90s was a wonder to behold. Jason Alexander from “Seinfeld” voiced the rude, arrogant, porn-loving piece-o-crap PI Eric Duckman while his put-upon sidekick, Cornfed Pig, solved cases. With great voice work by the likes of Dweezil Zappa, Nancy Travis and Tim Curry.
2008; $19.95, UR
Not just your average “young lovers in the woods terrorized by local hooligans” horror-thriller, this one has a unique savagery and a twist ending that will make the true horror-fan laugh out loud.
FRISKY DINGO: SEASON 2
2008; $19.95, UR
To the rabid fans of this series who sent us angry letters for missing the release of Season 1: We apologize, please don’t hurt us. From Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim series, Xander Crews — millionaire playboy by day, expensive superhero by night — takes a political turn when arch-nemesis Killface teams up with rapper Taqu’il to prove they have ended global warming. But that doesn’t begin to explain all the fun along the way. Truly, deeply, lovingly twisted animation at its most prescient.
2008; $24.95-$39.95, R/UR
Seth Rogen and James Franco lead a hip, young cast in a wild, drug-fueled chase for producers Rogen and Judd Apatow. The two loser-stoners witness a murder and run for their lives as comically-over-the-top hitmen destroy everything in their path to get the two. With Gary Cole, Rosie Perez, Ed Begley Jr. and a host of others. Lots of fun.
POSTAL: THE MOVIE
2007; $19.95, UR
This all-but-unknown gem from writer/producer/director Uwe Boll stars Dave Foley as a cult leader, with Zack Ward from “Titus” as his unemployed nephew. Together they lead a hilarious gang of sexy fem-commandos against the Taliban to save the American way of life. Based on a vidgame.
2009; $29.95-$39.95, R
Overrated cop flick, notable only because it stars Robert De Niro and Al Pacino. The two hog all the screen time from able costars Curtis Jackson, Carla Gugino, John Leguizamo, Donnie Wahlberg and Brian Dennehy.
THE ALPHABET KILLER
2008; $26.95, R
While it didn’t do well at the theaters, we liked this detective thriller based on the true story of the murder of a 10-year-old girl in Rochester, N.Y. Eliza Dushku stars as the police dick who suffers a mental breakdown during the investigation, only to be called back into service two years later when more killings occur. Co-stars Cary Elwes, Michael Ironside and Timothy Hutton.
2008; $28.95-$39.95, R
Indie-styled comic drama set in 1994 about a college-bound teen who sells dope to his screwball psychotherapist in exchange for treatment — and a chance to make time with the guy’s gorgeous stepdaughter. Stars Ben Kingsley, Josh Peck, Olivia Thirlby, Famke Janssen, Mary-Kate Olsen and Method Man.
OTHER DVDS OF INTEREST
BATTLESTAR GALACTICA: SEASON 4.0
2004; $49.95, UR
HELL GIRL: COMPLETE FIRST SEASON SET
2008; $69.95, UR
TELL ME YOU LOVE ME: THE COMPLETE FIRST SEASON
2008; $39.95, UR
THE MIND OF THE MARRIED MAN: COMPLETE FIRST SEASON
2008; $29.95, UR
TRIPPING THE RIFT: THE COMPLETE THIRD SEASON
2007; $29.95, UR
A more complete listing and free vids at www.videotapeworm.com