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Conspiracy to commit money laundering, mail fraud and conspiracy to defraud Uncle Sam are among the charges former University of Louisville Dean Robert Felner faces after a grand jury indicted him last week. The feds say Felner and a friend embezzled $576,000 from U of L (although they tried to pocket more), and a whopping $1.7 million from the University of Rhode Island. Released on $100,000 bond, Felner might be free long enough to catch a few more Bats games. Then again, he just might beat the wrap (cue the laughter).

It’s a bird. It’s a plane. No, it’s Metro Councilman Kelly Downard. The Republican councilman was delivering a campaign sign to constituents on Blankenbaker Lane when he caught two burglars cleaning out the couple’s home. Although Downard never actually encountered the thieves, his vehicle was blocking their getaway car in the driveway, giving a neighbor enough time to jot down their license plate number.

As Election Day approaches, the mudslinging just keeps getting more outrageous, obnoxious and misleading. For those of you casting your ballots based solely on such rhetoric, a few pointers: John Yarmuth does not hate Christmas, Bruce Lunsford does not reside in Chicago and Barack Obama is not BFF with Bill Ayers. Now, go forth and vote.

More than 6,000 volunteers got up ridiculously early on Saturday to help clean up the streets of Louisville. In fact, three volunteers from LEO Weekly took part in the Operation Brightside effort (shamefully, I have no excuse for my absence). Among the more bizarre items found by the LEO clean-up crew: a gently used coffee urn in a cardboard box and a used condom at the corner of Fourth and Broadway.