+3
Kentucky made news in a national ranking that didn’t involve obesity, smoking or basketball! In a study by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Kentucky scored among the lowest in the nation in drivers impaired by alcohol or drugs. Those hopheads in Wisconsin scored highest and those abstemious Utahans scored lowest. It’s Derby week, people. Don’t screw the pooch.

-4
Just when you thought the George Bush/Mitch McConnell war economy couldn’t get worse, news came of a worldwide food crisis. With some countries facing riots, local stores saw intermittent shortages of rice and other grains, mostly due to hoarding in anticipation of higher future prices. But we have our priorities and everything’s going to be swell: The legislature approved the 21,000-seat expansion of Papa J’s Cardinal Stadium.

+5
A federal grant will fund a new program to help first- or second-time youth offenders avoid a life of crime. The $209,000 grant from the Project Safe Neighborhood Anti-Gang Initiative will fund the West Chestnut Street CHARACTERS program to help kids avoid making bad choices, and represents a baby step in getting away from our prison culture.

+8
Ford Motor Co. promised Louisville it would replace the Explorer with a vehicle that won’t totally suck ass. Rededicating its commitment to Louisville’s autoworkers, Ford pledged to convert the Fern Valley Road Assembly Plant into a flexible plant that can produce multiple models. Meanwhile, Metro revealed a new study identifying “retail gaps,” which would help us do what we do best better: shop. (Spoiler alert: the East End is pretty much covered.) But hell, it’s Derby Week, when even ugly people and IT staff can get laid, so the World-Class-Odometer has to be high, right? Right.

World-classness
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