Spam, where would I be without you?
Who would remind me that my mortgage loan has gone through (I’m a renter), that I need a lower interest rate on my college loans (already locked in at 3 percent) and — I almost forgot — my Viagra prescription is waiting (I’m only 29; not, um, “there” yet).
Spam, you need subtlety. You’re too easy, taking your clothes off on the first date. “I’m (Insert hackneyed porn star alias here); hot and horny and ready for you!”
Where’s the hello, the introduction — even the innuendo? You have so much to learn. Ask me my name, what I do for a living; ask me what I like — outside the sack.
I’m a man. With feelings. Not a piece of meat.
Listing, listing …
Achtung, club owners! Yeah, I’m talking to you. Not all of you. Some of you. We don’t see enough of you in the LEO listings. When you do send us your info, it’s incomplete. “Live music,” but no band names. Cover charges, but no times; times, but no cover charges. If it’s free, you hardly ever say so. If it’s all ages, you hardly say that, too.
We like details. They help people make decisions. Like this Iran debacle. Those intel guys checked the details, right? Did their job. Now we’re all better informed. Sort of.
That’s what I want. No, check that. That’s what your customers want! And they’re always right.
Let’s make a deal, a pact, if you will: E-mail me at [email protected], or call 895-9770 ext. 224, or ext. 400, the LEOBeat concert hotline. I’m not gonna come find your website, MySpace or Facebook. If I did that for everybody, I’d get fired, and you don’t want me to get fired, do you?
Don’t answer that.
Marion Dries has put together “Louisville Punks: A Radio History,” which airs on 91.9 WFPK-FM the next two Thursdays.
This week, she features The Blinders, The Endtables, The Monsters and Skull Of Glee, with interviews from Sandy “Fret Hondo” Campbell, Steve “Chili” Rigot and Wink “Wink” O’Bannon.
On Dec. 20, she’ll highlight The Dickbrains, Orange Orange, Your Food and Strict-9, and interview Doug Maxson, Bryan Hurst, Jeff Jobson and the producers of the Bold Beginnings compilation released earlier this year by Noise Pollution Records.
Mat Herron is LEO’s Music Editor. Spam him relentlessly at