The Rapper goes to Iraq?

Below find a letter to Robert Gates,
Secretary of Defense

Dear Secretary Gates:
At threshold, let me make it perfectly clear: I oppose the Iraq war. But I continue to support the troops. My college deferment and high draft number kept me out of the service. As a scientist of politics, I read the Constitution as stating only Congress can declare a war. I fought as best I could the war back home, speaking as a hawk on national television and challenging the Weathermen and their ilk with fists and feet at the 1972 Republican National Convention in Miami Beach.

But, sir, it has bothered me often that I did not serve in Vietnam, like my Navy SEAL cousin or my father as a Navy Seabee who earned the Silver Star at Guadalcanal.
I proffer my services now.

This is what I have to offer: martial arts instruction. I have been in martial arts — judo, karate, aikido, Japanese ju-jutsu and kung fu — for 51 years. I hold the rank of Rodudan, sixth degree judo black belt (there are only 10 degrees of black belt); this entitles me to the status of Shihan, teacher of the teachers.
I was twice heavyweight judo champion of the South.
I have taught judo in five states.

I’m a graduate of Vanderbilt University School of Law and author of two law books — “American Law and the Trained Fighter” (Ohara, 1983) and “The Law and Martial Arts” (Ohara, 1996).

I also hold the rank of san-dan of Imua Kuon-Tao Kung Fu Wushu; I am the worldwide heir to this Chinese/Malaysian deadly art, third generation.

I have coupled judo and imua into a unified system known as Bushido Judo (see “Black Belt Yearbook,” 1985). This is how it works. We strike or kick first; if attacked, our blocks are really blows. Next, we throw in the direction of the opponent’s momentum. Then we stomp the neck or throat. This all can occur in two seconds.
The current mixed martial arts craze can be traced to the “Black Belt Yearbook” article I wrote, dating back 30 years.

When our brave service men and women have to go house to house, every door entered sets the scenario for hand-to-hand combat.

The self-defense taught to military personnel is insufficient. All of them agree with this, yet nothing gets done about it. How dare we in such a face-to-face war deprive our troops of the skills with hands and feet that may save their lives and the lives of their warrior comrades!

This is tantamount to body armor. It is a capital letter Sin to order that the internecine insurgent flare-ups be quelled … while not providing all the weapons available for self-defense of American troops and interests.
The war in Iraq, in some form or fashion, will continue inexorably. We will have troops within the green zone and also re-deployed on Iraqi borders.

I know money is tight. Congress is poised to cut and run. So, I’d be glad to serve without pay, my small gift to the troops.

Let me anticipate your hesitation, after you review my checkered past. I spent time in prison, 1986-87, and again in 2000-01. My alleged crime during the ’80s was that I was a pot dealer (I was set up like a bowling ball by my “girlfriend,” who was wired for sound). The FBI threatened to take away her children if she would not play ball with the law.

At the turn of the century, I made some rude and insulting remarks on the answering machine of U.S. Sen. Mitch McConnell. I “threatened” to have him arrested for illegal wiretaps. I was framed like the Mona Lisa.
Feel free to run all this by Mitch. He might not mind my dying in the sands of Iraq. At least I hope not.
Please note: I am indicted in Federal Court only when I run for office. In Kentucky, “women are the prettiest, the horses are the fastest and politics, they are the damnedest.”

As for my age, 56, be advised that I have never been more fit and ready for service to America.
Let me hear from you, or your assistant, as soon as possible. I intend to train in the Orient, primarily Tokyo, later this summer.
Thank you for your consideration.
Carl Brown

P.S.: I’ll advise what Gates has to say, loyal LEO legions. With any luck, some future Rap will be datelined Iraq.

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