Diversity celebrated
Proving he can be just as ironic (notice the similarity to the word “moronic”) as the next guy, Gov. Ernie Fletcher celebrated Diversity Day by cutting anti-discrimination protection for gay state workers. The move was largely seen as a suck-up to the Republican base, which likes to spend its waking hours desperately trying not to think about hot man-on-man action.
Brokeback U
In other hot-man-on-man-action news, the University of The Cumberlands suspended a gay student for outing himself on MySpace.com, where university officials had apparently been lurking in search of said action. The suspension sparked a controversy over $11 million in state funding for the Baptist school’s pharmacy program. Pro-intolerance Senator David Williams (R-Burkesville) spoke in favor of the funding. Oh, and the school just happens to be in Williams’ district, proving he has an even better sense of irony than the gubner.
Birds, air put on notice
Louisville celebrated Earth Day a week earlier than the rest of the world so it could cede the actual Earth Day — April 22 — to Screw The Earth Day. Or, as it’s known in these parts, Thunder Over Louisville. Fans of animals and breathing attended events at the zoo and the Falls of the Ohio to enjoy nature programs and get a gander at migratory birds before next week’s smoky percussive orgy of war weaponry, explosions and trite country music sends them scurrying for somewhere sane.
Kentucky implements $.01 spliff tax
The no-new-tax-pledge legislature sneaked a last-minute tax increase on rolling papers into the final state budget. The 25-cent-per-pack tax works out to about a penny per doobie and is expected to Bogart the state a sweet $750,000 per year. Reactions were mixed, with a spokesman for the stoner community declaring, “Bummer, dude,” while bong manufacturers generally praised the increase.
Fletcher puts stylus to papyrus
Citing a pesky tendency toward having his e-mails subpoenaed, Gov. Fletcher announced he’s quitting e-mail cold turkey and will henceforth communicate via letters and, um, his personal Blackberry. When informed that letters can be subpoenaed and that Blackberry messages basically are e-mails, Fletcher smiled sheepishly and slapped a nearby homosexual.
BY JIM WELP
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