What a Week

She’s ba-ack (emphasis on the “ack.”)

Punxsutawney Dana Seum Stephenson, the constitutionally challenged half-Hoosier deemed too unKentuckian for the Kentucky Senate, climbed out of her hole, saw her shadow and announced her candidacy for the 38th District House seat, ensuring eight more months of political hilarity. Citing the Kentucky House’s lower standards, Stephenson expressed confidence that her candidacy is legal and, failing that, that everyone would finally just sigh heavily and give in. She joined a whopping 217 other candidates who wrapped themselves in the flag, wallowed in the Bible and announced their candidacies for the General Assembly.

Does this Web site make my butt look big?

Metro Louisville gave www.LouisvilleKy.gov a makeover, adding better access to online city services and a groovy new “My Louisville” feature, which lets visitors get info related to a particular address. Type in your address and you can quickly get the lowdown on many city services, your gubment leaders, maps and an aerial photo of your home. (That’ll teach ya to sunbathe naked, Mr. Let Freedom Ring.)

Getting’ yucky in Kentucky

Having miniaturized its signature twin spires inside giant, casino-shaped boxes, Churchill Downs added insult to injury by slapping on the logo of Yum! Brands in exchange for an undisclosed Sum! The Derby is now known as “The Kentucky Derby presented by Yum! Brands,” a name that set citizens abuzz thinking up satirical catchphrases, and ruined any chance at getting PETA spokesbabe Pam Anderson back to Barnstable Brown. Future plans include surrounding the entire track with Cheesy Bites and converting the twin spires into giant drumsticks.

Infield ’09: show us your ankles!

Betty Friedan got to her grave just in time to roll in it: In their never-ending bid to out-Taliban Alabama, Kentucky legislators proposed a bill to outlaw abortion in Kentucky. If the bill becomes law, it will be unconstitutional and unenforceable under Roe v. Wade, but could put Kentucky in line to be the first state to give the new radical right Supreme Court a chance to flex its muscles on the abortion issue. With that process under way, legislators proposed the Kentucky Burkha Bill, which would require women to wear full body veils at all times.