Commandments posted, broken
A federal appeals court upheld Mercer Countyâ€™s right to display the Ten Commandments in its courthouse, ruling that the commandments are part of a historical display and show no religious intent. The good people of Mercer County celebrated the victory by breaking the coveting, false-witness, stealing, adultery, parent-honoring, Sabbath-keeping and the-Lordâ€™s-name-in-vain-taking commandments. In the event that any death-row prisoners turn up, the Mercerians also reserved the right to kill. They were all pretty much cool with the one about not worshipping other gods, though.
It came upon a midnight clear
In an epic budget battle in the U.S. Congress, guns busted a cap in butterâ€™s ass. The $600 billion 2006 spending bill gleefully turned over the treasury to the Pentagon, including a tidy payload for shokkenaw efforts by local butter-bandits Raytheon, BAE systems and the cheeky, iPodish-sounding â€œMcConnell Technology Training Center,â€ whose name suggests it might train Stan, that dweeb in your companyâ€™s IT department, to disinfect your Windows registry but actually works on making warships more potent. Where did the dough come from? You guessed it: education, social programs and desperately needed projects like a UK rural-cancer-detection program and Father Maloneyâ€™s Boysâ€™ Haven, which, letâ€™s face it, hasnâ€™t really been pulling its weight in the war on terror.
The Kentucky Supreme Court ruled 5-2 that neither Republican Dana Seum Stephenson nor Democrat Virginia Woodward could represent the 37th District as its Senator, the former because sheâ€™s a cheater and the latter because sheâ€™s a loser. Woodward lost the 2004 election to Stephenson, who, after closer inspection, turned out to be a Hoosier. The senate seat has been vacant for the entire year and neither side is calling for a new election. After looking at their own state senators, the citizens of Kentuckyâ€™s other districts shrugged and said, â€œAch, we should all be so lucky.â€