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June 6, 2006

What a Week

Elephants gone wildMore chunks from the Skylab that is the Fletcher administration fell off during re-entry, including a large one with a funny-shaped head: Lt. Gov. Steve Pence. Citing a desperate need to no longer hear his name mentioned after Fletcher’s, Pence — who has played an important role as stand-in governor during Fletcher’s many hospitalizations — announced he wouldn’t seek re-election on the Fletcher/Pence ticket. After the announcement, Fletcher demanded that Pence resign immediately from his $99,000 a year job, which Pence refused to do, citing the job’s sweet pay and total cushiness. Fletcher named Finance Secretary Robbie Rudolph — who apparently has the unbridled optimism of an InsightBB subscriber — as his 2007 running mate. In other irresponsible-pachyderm news, an unmarried elephant at the zoo is preggers.Zealot WatchA “full-frontal assault on Christianity” and a “cultural Khmer Roughe” are two weird sex and violence comparisons that Christian lunatic Hershael York made to describe the Kentucky Board of Education’s decision to add BCE and CE to the traditional BC and AD in Kentucky’s program of studies. The Board voted in April to add (not replace) the designations because universities use the terms. York joined prominent Christian screwball Frank Simon and other fanatics from around the state in crucifying the board for its attempts at clarity. Going with a more Alzheimer’sy metaphor, Simon called the board decision an attempt to make people “forget God.” Of course, those Christians gathered should know a thing or two about ancient dates, since they seem to live in (but not recognize) the Stone Age.A place worth bombingWin-win: Louisville hit the homeland security jackpot, getting a larger-than-expected share of the federal anti-al-Qaeda kitty while pissing off a lot of Yankees in the process. Louisville was one of a few cities that got a disproportionate 70-percent increase, while larger cities in bluer states got dissed. The discrepancy drove big-city politicians, journalists and entertainers into bursts of sarcasm, describing Louisville as a place no self-respecting terrorist had ever heard of. Adding injury to insult was Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff, who described for the terrorists every Louisville lock, dam and bridge that would make an excellent target if anybody wanted to, like, totally disrupt the nation’s supply lines.BY JIM WELPjimwelp@gmail.com