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November 7, 2012

Wrong piano

“Fables of the Deconstruction” is taped in front of a live audience.

Scene one. The Old Watering Hole. Paul is standing at the bar talking to Lyle.

Paul: So, all I gotta do is move it?
Lyle: Yes, but it has to be done right away, like tomorrow.
Paul: What’s the rush? It isn’t stolen is it?
Lyle: Oh, no. Nothing like that. It used to belong to my aunt. She died, and we have to get it out of storage before the end of the month.

Paul (using phone): Hey, Wes! Doin’ great! How about you? Cool. Hey, I was wondering if I could borrow your truck tomorrow. Sold it, huh? Oh! Well, no worries. Catch ya later. (laughter)

Frankie: How are you talking on the phone in this noise?
Paul: Oh, hey, Frankie. I’m trying to line up a truck. Hey, what are you doing tomorrow?
Frankie: Nothing much. What’s up?
Paul: A buddy of mine just gave me a piano. All I gotta do is move it. You wanna help me move a piano?
Frankie: Uh, sure. As long as it’s after noon. (laughter) How many guys you got helping?
Paul: So far it’s just me and you. (laughter)
Frankie: You should have at least four guys to move a piano.
Paul: Yeah. Maybe Shane will help. Hey, Shane!
Shane: Hey, Paul! What’s up?
Paul: Same old trouble. What’s up with you?
Shane: Nothing much.
Paul: Hey, uh, you wouldn’t wanna help move a piano, would you?
Shane: Sure! When you doing that?
Paul: Tomorrow, if I can get the truck lined up.
Shane: Sure, where do I need to be?
Paul: I got the address. I’ll send it to you.

Paul (using phone): Dave! Hey! Are you using your truck tomorrow? In the afternoon? Yeah, a buddy of mine gave me a piano, but I gotta move it right away. Oh, sweet! I’ll come by at 1. Thanks!

Frankie: So you got a truck?
Paul: Yeah. This is coming together really well! (laughter) I need one more hand. Hey, Dom!
Dom: Hey, Paul, what’s up?
Paul: I’m trying to find somebody to help me move a piano.
Dom: Oh, yeah? When is that? I love moving pianos! (laughter)
Paul: Really? That’s awesome! It is kind of archetypal, isn’t it? Ha ha! We’re gonna try to do it tomorrow afternoon. Shouldn’t be too complicated; all we gotta do is get it up on the truck, and then once we get it to the house, we carry it about 5 feet from the truck to the door. Won’t be any stairs at all.
Dom: Count me in.

Scene two. Living room. Paul, Frankie, Dom and Shane enter pushing a Spinet Piano.

Frankie: Boy, that was easy.
Shane: Yeah, I didn’t even break a sweat.
Paul: I told you it was gonna be easy.
Dom: I’m almost kind of disappointed … but not really. (laughter)
Shane: Yeah, well, I gotta get back to work.
Dom: Me, too! It was good to meet you, Shane!
Shane: Oh, yeah. You, too!
Paul: Thanks so much! Oden’s gonna love having a piano.
Shane: No problem, anything to help start a kid on a path to music!
Frankie: Yeah, well, I guess I should get going, too. Glad it worked out.
Paul: Yeah, thanks, Frankie. This is awesome.

Scene three. Producer’s office.

Sarah: I’m not sure what’s going on here.
Paul: Well, it’s about how I got some friends to help me move a piano.
Sarah: I get that. But why?
Paul: Uh, well, you know how sometimes it feels like your life is really entertaining or there’s moments that are so perfect you think they should be a movie or something?
Sarah: Sure. But there really isn’t anything to this. There isn’t any drama or challenge. These guys are all helpful. You make it look like moving a piano is easy.
Paul: Yeah! Exactly!
Sarah: But that isn’t funny! Why don’t you have them carry it up, like, 500 stairs, like Laurel and Hardy in “The Music Box”? And why not have just two guys, so they really have to work it? That would be funny!
Paul: Yeah, I guess you’re right. (laughter)

For further consideration: I know I have that Buster Keaton DVD around here somewhere.