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April 4, 2012

Bar Belle: Gettin’ lucky in Kentucky

What a week for my liver. This NCAA Tournament was difficult to keep up with but proved to be one hell of a ride. A few bruises and a lack of sleep were worth every minute of cheering, beering and sneering the teams on to the Final Four. I was so into the spirit one Sunday afternoon that the idea of a round of Flaming Dr. Pepper shots went unquestioned. Like cake at a birthday party, we huffed and puffed the flames and drank the shots down. Kentucky was definitely an exciting place to be — between the Cards vs. Cats showdown, the Kentucky triumph, and even having two stars in “The Hunger Games.” Kentucky nabbed the national spotlight with nary a hat or horse in sight.

I’d like to say I had some part in it all. You see, I have been on the hunt for four-leaf clovers, and I have found one for 10 straight days now. Originally, their luck was to help the Cards to victory. But that didn’t happen, so I’m assuming I misread their signs. I am not getting lucky either (Mom, I’m talking about winning the lottery, of course), so I know they’re not for my benefit. Perhaps they’re for the state, or, maybe, for my readers! Please let me know if you’re gettin’ lucky in Kentucky more than usual. I like to live vicariously — and details, I want details!

But back to the clovers. They say there is a 1 in 10,000 chance of finding this anomaly of nature. But how have I found so many in downtown Louisville in one week? I don’t want to slap my own ass, but I’ve even found two five-leaf clovers! They’re currently under lock and key at Fort Knox, along with my sobriety. I think I’ve gotten clover lucky because I know how to stare at the ground. I first learned the method at a junior high dance, and it’s paid off in big ways. If I stood plastered up against the wall with my eyes focused firmly at the ground, no one would ask me to dance. I continued socializing this way throughout high school and even college, where it began to bring me luck.

Do you know how much money people drop from their pockets at bars? There were some nights I paid for my entire tab from the cash I picked up underneath the bar. Most people immediately scan a room for booty or beauty — but I kept my eyes focused southward on the prize. I may have run into a pole or sweaty frat boy a time or two, but generally, it was worth it.

If you’d like to go on a four-leaf clover expedition, just holler. You bring the Two-Buck Chuck, and I’ll share the luck.

Bar of the Week
I know you’ve driven by it, but have you ever stopped in to check out the Rush Inn at the intersection of Brownsboro and Mellwood? It’s a dive bar, for sure. But its welcoming atmosphere and eclectic clientele make it a great pit stop after work or for an evening of karaoke. It’s cheap as shit, too. Two bucks for a bottle of domestic — anytime. I’ve heard good things about their chili, and they have a decent selection of spirits, but I haven’t tried either yet.

Karaoke is on tap Friday and Saturday nights, and the best thing about it is their song submission method. No more tedious books to pore over — instead, there’s a computer in the back where you plug in your name and song choice. Although it resembles a Commodore 64, the technology is alive and well. I was able to find LL Cool J and Kelly Clarkson in less than a minute.

The history of the Rush Inn is as interesting and questionable as its regulars. It claims to be the oldest continually operated tavern in Louisville, and was formerly known as The Rendezvous Inn in 1885, and later, the Mellwood Inn. The bar also served as a speakeasy during Prohibition and has had several reports of paranormal activity (hot spirit on spirit action?).

Next time you’re in the mood for a game of pool, a smoke on the patio or mastering Poison’s “Talk Dirty To Me,” stop by the Rush Inn. But be sure to bring cash — cards are for creeps. The Rush Inn is located at 1801 Brownsboro Road.

Drunk Texts of the Week
• What does 35 get you other than extra hole and nobody to poke it?
• Do you burn when I pee?
• I have no voice! It’s been all cocks, eat dicks and dicks in boxes
• I am shit bar hott
• I have teeth and a vagina and suddenly I am a commodity