February 13, 2013

Comedy: The Silence of the Carneys

It’s award season, and in the midst of all the Grammy, Golden Globes and Oscar buzz, one award show rules them all — The Carneys. And no, for once, Louisville native Jennifer Lawrence is not up for one of these. So everyone’s got a chance — or do they? The emcee and founder of The Carneys, Jake Reber, took some time to sit down and chat with us about the second annual award show to be held at Groucho’s in Germantown this weekend.

LEO: So, the second annual Carneys …
Jake Reber: Yeah, who’d a thought it?

LEO: Every time I hear Carneys, I think of the toothless guy running the Tilt-a-Whirl.
JR: It’s named after the hilarious, brilliant and beautiful Kent Carney. See, he won the LEO Reader’s Choice Award two years in a row, and he was a shoe-in for a third consecutive (win) until that backstabbing sleaze Patrick Passafiume, the evil one, crept up and slipped away with her. But the name stands, because why shouldn’t it? It’s Kent Carney — he’ll be back.

LEO: So it was all because of this newspaper that you launched the award?
JR: I guess you could say that … that and Kent’s awesomeness. I mean, it is sort of a jesting jab at the LEO Reader’s Choice Awards, because every comedian in town pretends it doesn’t matter, but they always follow who is going to win, and they give a shit.

LEO: Will there be any song and dance numbers?
JR: Not yet, but Kent is definitely nominated this year. So, if he wins, maybe we can talk him into a pole dance, or any kind of dance that gets him to take off his clothes.

LEO: So who will be the best dressed at the ceremony?
JR: I don’t know, maybe Eric Sorgel — he’s young and likes to dress up when he goes on stage. But then again, Kent has this adorable, shaggy thing going on that makes you just want to hold and hug him like a puppy. He doesn’t even try. Sometimes I wanna take him home, strip him nude and feed him at the bottom of a crudely dug hole in my unfinished basement. I guess I’m saying Kent is definitely in the running.

LEO: What does the actual award look like?
JR: It’s a plaque that, yes, has Kent’s rugged but somehow softly beautiful face on it. It definitely means something to people — how could it not with Kent’s face on there? The very face that I, not so long ago, had a dream where I harvested and wore his face over my own face to a show, and no one noticed. Because it wasn’t gross in that weird Leatherface sort of way, it was pleasing to the eye. But again, you’ve seen him — he’s gorgeous. His face stretched and distended over mine will still always give me a little bit of a chubby.

Representatives for comedian Kent Carney refused to comment for this article but stated that Kent fully intends to fulfill his working commitments with Reber on “Groucho’s Comedy Attack” and the Comedy Caravan’s “Late Late Breakfast.” But they do ask that Reber please adhere, when they are not on stage, to the 1,000-yard restraining order, as issued by the court, for the foreseeable future.

‘Groucho’s Comedy Attack’ presents The Carney Awards
Sunday, Feb. 17
Groucho’s Bar
935 Goss Ave.
Free, 8 p.m.

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