Thorns & Roses: The Worst, Best & Most Absurd

Next: armed police drones?  |  Thorn

A gunshot-detection system will be installed in Louisville by the summer, despite questions about its accuracy and value. City officials did not provide the cost and locations, The Courier-Journal reported. The paper noted that the system is “just one of many toys” on the chief’s “wish list, including license plate readers, facial recognition for surveillance cameras and a new helicopter.” Why not an aircraft carrier?

Adopt a hipster, go to hell?  |  Thorn

A Baptist pastor has been awarded a no-bid, $240,000 annual contract to be Gov. Matt “Oblivious” Bevin’s adoption czar, even though he lacks relevant experience other than adopting two children. His bio, published by the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, said he is “a devoted follower of Jesus”  “on a personal mission to rid the planet of ‘men’ wearing skinny jeans and driving scooters,” The CJ reported.

Lawyers tee off on Trump  |  Absurd

Local crusading civil rights lawyers Dan Canon and Greg Belzley say tRump has time for their deposition in a lawsuit brought by three people who say they were assaulted at a Louisville rally last year. Why? “As of this writing, Trump has played golf 20 times since his inauguration. He has the time for a deposition,” WDRB reported the motion said.

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Slow news = fast Grimes?  |  Thorn

Secretary of State Alison Lundergan Grimes was so thrilled that a state trooper drove her to the Derby that she tweeted a photo that seems to show her traveling at nearly 100 mph, according to WDRB. The tweet gave a shout-out to the police “for keeping everyone safe!” Except for fellow motorists that day. Her office said it must have been a “slow news day” for WDRB to “manufacture” the story.

Shocked gambling is going on  |  Absurd

Speaking of a slow news day, this was a front page headline in the The CJ: “Heroin use is up in city, state, new poll shows.” Wait — what heroin problem?!

Warp speed for the West End  |  Rose

We often hammer the city for neglecting West Louisville. So huzzah for the new PNC Gigabit Experience Center at 1300 W. Muhammad Ali Blvd., in Russell. It offers free, fast internet to the community.

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