Issue April 9, 2013

Bar Belle: O Bourbon! My Bourbon!

A few weeks ago I asked you literary lovelies to submit poems about bourbon for a contest that involved going with me to a Woodford Reserve event hosted by Deion Branch. The winning poems — by Scott Smith and Chelsea Carroll — are below, as are the best of the rest. Thanks for submitting, my fellow Dickinsons.

Bourbon, My Love

Bourbon’s my soulmate

Bourbon’s my love

If I am a cold hand,

Bourbon’s my glove

Keeping me warm

Through the cold and the wind

In bourbon I’ve found

An ally, a friend

Bourbon won’t judge me

Bourbon won’t lie

With help from my bourbon

I’m no longer shy

I’m the life of the party

I’m the Belle of the Ball

When bourbon is with me

I have it all!

Mixed or straight up

I love bourbon whisky

Off of my feet

My sweet bourbon will whisk me!

I turn to my bourbon

When I’m broken and bare

Cause I know that my bourbon

Will always be there

Chelsea Carroll

 

A Toast

Basil for the social times

Elijah to relax and recline

 

Booker’s for some extra bite

Woodford when it’s in my sight

 

Turkey time to party drink

Parker’s to contemplate and think

 

At times a Bulleit is what I’ll choose

With Jefferson afternoons I’ll lose

 

Knob for any of the above

Pappy’s to remember life, death or love

 

It’s part of who I am and where I’m from

In the good, the bad and all times to come

Scott Smith

 

The Runners Up …

Destiny

She needed a date,

But not for a mate.

Deion Branch, the star,

Woodford at the bar.

Love of bourbon our fate!

Bruce Miller

 

Half Empty Threat

Roses are red

Violets are blue

Put anything else in that goddamn glass of bourbon and I will END you.

Scott Smith

 

Kentucky Haiku

Amber liquid fire

Soothe and heal my tired soul

Warm my frozen heart

Perry Adanick

 

Tale of the Cocktail
Surviving Derby is only half the battle. So what do you drink the day after the first Saturday in May? Hungover, shaky and unsure of your whereabouts, most likely you want something that’s gonna revive, refresh and renew. The second annual Tale of the Horse cocktail contest aims to find the perfect hair-of-the-dog drink, and I’m proud to be a judge in the competition once again. Sponsored by MyDerbyLove.com, the event goes down Monday, April 15, at Varanese (2106 Frankfort Ave.) at 5:30 p.m. You’re welcome to stop by and watch area bartenders compete for cash prizes.

Derby entertaining class
Having guests in for Derby but only know how to pour a stiff bourbon & ginger? The Moonshine University at the Distilled Spirits Epicenter (801 S. Eighth St.) is conducting a class on Derby entertaining — which will teach you the history and recipe behind most classic bourbon drinks — on Saturday, April 13, from 3-5 p.m. Cost is $29, so check out moonshineuniversity.com if you’re interested.

Drunk Texts of the Week
• Im suing Pitino for emotional damages
• Let me swallow before I do Sally Field
• Be sure to poop before you head over
• You dont bring me blumpkins anymore

Send your drunk texts to shavens@leoweekly.com. My blog is at barbelle.leoweekly.com. Word.