Issue January 22, 2013

Literary LEO 2013

Something Different — Second

Re: The New, Knitting Me

BY ROB DONALD

Hey, Allison. Thanks for your email earlier. Sorry it took so long in responding. Also, sorry about last night. Lately I’ve been a little fed up with this town, and maybe myself. I need to make some changes. I probably need to get out of here, go to a new city, meet some new people, maybe join some sort of social group, maybe a knitting circle, knit little booties for little babies, knit other items, knit until my hands bleed, wake up early each day (get some early morning knitting in), go to a psychotherapist, ask her what knitting symbolizes when it appears in your dreams, start a revolution, based of course on the unsatisfactory wages knitters are being (under)paid the world over, unionize the knitters, see about commissioning Christo to do project where he covers local monument in sprawling knitted wool something or other, seems up his alley, knit a cute little one-piece for my kitten with the words “If this kitten’s a’ knittin’, don’t come a’ knockin’” knitted on the front, rent Dr. Zhivago, never seen it, always wanted to, fill out every crossword puzzle I can get my hands on with the word “knit” and different permutations of the glorious word, cackle loudly on buses when I do so, knit, meet those new friends, hopefully guys named Nick, see how they feel about changing the last part of their name to a hard ‘t’ sound, take back Dr. Zhivago, don’t want to incur late fees, see if the good people at Merriam-Webster’s might consider dropping “nitpick” from latest addition, negative connotation reflects poorly on close phonetic cousin “knitting,” knit something for my little nephew, he’s getting about to that knittin’ age and it’s important to start them early, buy and listen to old The Knack records, because, hey, it’s close, see if my kitten will answer to “knittin’” as opposed to “kitten,” and if he doesn’t, take back knitted one-piece, give to a more deserving “knittin’,” volunteer for Christo knitting project, remember to just roll around all day in the bed and laugh and cry about knitting, rolling in various knitting implements (try not to get poked by knitting needles), maybe make a mess when rolling gets out of hand, then knit cross-stitch piece, asking to “Bless this Mess,” also try and figure out why I can’t carry on a successful adult relationship, maybe bring up with psychotherapist, be careful not to cut into knitting-related issues time though, although maybe one in the same, knit like there’s no tomorrow, like there’s no more knittin’ days available on the calendar, close each day with a little knitting. Or maybe I should just join a social networking website, I’ve heard it’s a decent way of meeting people*.

Again, sorry about last night. I’ve really been going through it lately.

Ttyl,
Rob

*Note to self: see if any promote knitting awareness.