I have a hippie friend who is always sayin’ random crap just to “put it out into the universe.” If you verbalize it, the chances of it coming true increase, or so she says. She also eats dandelions, talks to water and doesn’t own a TV, so I only buy about half of what she’s sellin’. But it’s Christmas. You’re supposed to be good, or at least good intentioned. You’re supposed to throw loose change at the ringing Santas and keep your road rage at a minimum. And you’re supposed buy what your friends are selling, even if it’s one of those gigantic popcorn tins with puppies frolicking in a field.
So here it goes. I’m launching my Christmas wish list into the universe. Let’s see if this hippie shit really works.
I’ve been (somewhat) good all year … save for a few run-ins with bourbon, Derby, Thanksgiving Eve, Halloween, my birthday and last weekend at Harley’s House of Brews. Here is my Christmas list in random order. I’ve left a fifth of Beam for you on the table, and here’s a Red Bull to help you with your Christmas night bender. Be safe and remember: Don’t drink and chimney dive.
• Bottle of Pappy Van Winkle 15-Year
• Free trip to New Orleans
• Lifetime pass to City Scoot
• Cure for the hangover
• Keys to Porcini
• A pink flask with my name Bedazzled on it
• My own bar stool at Nachbar
• My own bar
• A fifth of Woodford Reserve
• Keys to the Monkey Wrench
• Dinner at 732 Social
• My face immortalized on the Back Door’s wall
• My own Why Louisville T-shirt that reads: “The Bar Belle was beer”
• To have BBC name a beer after me
• Get the answer to the age-old question of why drinking only two beers at Cumberland Brews makes me see leprechauns
• A vacation to Key West
• That creepy Centaur statue at Proof
• Keys to El Mundo
• A 23-ounce bottle of Bud Light Lime (check Speedway)
• The Barret Bar to reopen
• Old Hickory to reopen
• Get adopted by the O’Sheas
• A Dundee Tavern hoodie
• A keg of Dos Equis Amber and a tap
• A vat of Tequila Factory’s queso dip
• Light rail to Rich O’s
• A faster metabolism
• Keys to Louisville
Thank you for your time and consideration.
The Bar Belle
Feel free to help Santa out. Send packages to LEO Weekly, attn: The Bar Belle, 640 S. Fourth St., Louisville, KY 40202. Or hit me up at firstname.lastname@example.org.