Using the time-honored little-old-lady attack format, Democratic Senate candidate Greg Fischer accused primary opponent Bruce Lunsford of preying on elderly nursing home patients back when he was a business mogul. Several prominent Democrats (who suspect Lunsford might be a Democrat) attacked Fischer for attacking Lunsford for attacking the elderly. Republican Mitch McConnell, who may or may not have been lighting his cigar with a flaming puppy, declared, “muahahaha.”
In its ongoing War on Aptitude, the state cut $1.8 million from Kentucky Educational Television’s budget. The move will likely reduce educational shows for schoolchildren and leave quilting and spear-fishing enthusiasts underserved. KET executive director Mac Wall declined to identify specific cuts but admitted that “Oscar the Grouch is seriously pissed.” In other Bush/McConnell-war-economy news in which children will suffer, Jefferson County Public Schools announced it would raise meal prices because of rising fuel costs.
Superdelegate Ben Chandler endorsed Sen. Barack Obama for president, prompting “racially insensitive” phone calls from hundreds of Chandler’s constituents, who were reportedly egged on by the Hillary Clinton campaign. Sexist constituents hoping to make “gender insensitive” phone calls had Chandler endorsed Clinton also expressed disappointment.
After suffering through a rat race and a bed race and a boat race and a parade and a week of Bobby Flay and ugly hats and mystery meat, you roused yourself long enough to watch a horse named for a corporation win a race named for a corporation, then watched dumbstruck as veterinarians euthanized the filly Eight Belles, which all left you feeling sort of like UPSing an apology to the Chinese people for foisting all that KFC on them, but you have more cornhole to play and life, indeed, goes on.