What a great weekend. My significant other and I headed to Canada to make things legal, and on the way home we got to see the new Adam Sandler flick!*
“Good gosh,” Nick said after we’d seen it, “Sandler has jumped a dozen sharks!” Nick can be cute like that. He’s a very handsome man, and his taste in cinema is well nigh impeccable. At the sparsely attended showing, there was little laughter, and, at one point, I thought Nick was going to insist we leave. “There’s nothing to laugh at here,” he insisted. I told him that leaving early was out of the question; it is rude, I said, and besides, the movie might get better.
It’s about two manly dudes who claim to be gay partners so they can enjoy the cornucopia of benefits the government bestows upon those of us who are here and queer and have gotten used to it. These two geniuses (Sandler and the lamentable Kevin James) hire attorney/hottie Jessica Biel to cement their legal status. She takes a while to figure out the scam, but it’s unimportant since she is only present to provide what Nick calls “eye candy.” Really, she seems like a sweet girl, but if you’re in over your head working in an Adam Sandler film, then where do you expect to go after? I suppose the only direction is up. She doesn’t embarrass herself completely, I suppose. But the story is simply tedious. When the politically correct message of tolerance appears near the end, it’s too little and too late.
“I heard all those old fag jokes in grade school,” Nick gushed, “and they weren’t funny then. The only humor was supplied by ‘straight man’ Ving Rhames! We should’ve stuck with our original plan and seen John Travolta play the fat lady.”
BY PAUL KOPASZ
*Portions of this statement are exaggerated for effect