Issue March 20, 2007

Rumor & Innuendo

The Sweet Sixteen.
What in the name of Christian Laettner is goin’ down here? The Dookies are one-and-done. (All together now: “Awwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!”) Even more startling, the NC2A hierarchy, after a close vote, said, “Let the tourney continue.” To compensate, they tripled the number of Coach K commercials.

What have we learned so far, beyond the notion that those who bet scratch are smokin’ their office pools? Well, Lon Kruger and Tim Floyd can still coach. Tom Crean’s team laid the biggest rotten egg. (All together now: “Awwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!) The Pac-10 was as good as some of us thought. Except, ahem, them scholars at that academic school, Stanford.

The ACC sucked as bad as most of us thought. The SEC, as usual, comes up bigger than expected. How ’bout them ‘Dores? Louisville is still a year away. At least. Chris Lofton sure would have looked fine in red or blue. Xavier coach Sean Miller is a not-quite-ready-for-prime-time. Yo, coach, play to win, contest the rebound on a free throw and impede the other team’s progress down court with seconds to go and a three-point lead. Digger and Billy Packer need to be terminated with extreme prejudice.

Good riddance, Winthrop, we’re tired of hearing about ya. VCU’s Anthony Grant is the next superstar coach. Acie Law IV is as stellar in person as he is on TV. Rick Barnes can recruit a lot better than he can coach.
And Greg Oden is more likely to be the next Bill Cartwright than the next Bill Russell. Never has so much hype been bestowed on a hoopster less deserving. He is passive to a fault. Other than the occasional blocked shot, he imposes no presence whatsoever on the game. He is out of shape. Ohio State plays better without him.

The Final Four.

Long live the Quack, but get back, JoJo. Despite his off-putting histrionics, Joakim Noah’s Gators survive another week. Kansas nips the Bruins in a doozy to capture the West. Unfortunately, Carolina’s razzmatazz is a bit too much for button-downed Georgetown. Which leaves the South. I flipped a coin. Heads = Aggies. Tails = Memphis. Heads, it was.